Let me first apologise if this week’s bulletin seems a little downbeat, but we are heading towards one of the most anti-climactic ends to a season that I can remember. So anti-climactic in fact that we have all been brainwashed in recent weeks into buying into the apparent excitement and drama of the contest to see who will finish fourth in the Premier League. Not first or last, but fourth. With the relegation places having been decided long ago, and any drama regarding the Premier League title having been dissipated by the fixture list that (somewhat conveniently for the managers of the top sides who would have had plenty to say otherwise) provided Man.U., Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool and Spurs with notably straightforward closing matches, we’ve had to look towards the relegation battle in the Championship and the promotion race from League One for any real excitement at all. With the actions of a number of morons at Hillsborough and Kenilworth Road having put fans’ behaviour at potential tinderbox games back in the spotlight last weekend, I wonder whether the final day line-up in the Premier League was just a coincidence, or whether they constituted a conscious effort to avoid any potential trouble that may have tarnished the name of the precious Premier League?

Anyway, you can expect a host of uncompetitive matches on Sunday as proceedings in the top flight are brought to a close with the following fixtures:

1) Arsenal v Fulham: Oh dear, Arsene. Many fans that have looked up to you and appreciated the values and quality of football that you have brought to the English game are getting mightily fed up of your constant moaning whenever an opposing side decides to put your players under pressure. United can cope with it. Chelsea can cope with it. Everybody else knows that’s why you don’t win trophies anymore, and still you seem incapable of counteracting it. How many times have you pitted an Arsenal side against one managed by Sam Allardyce? How many times have you watched as they pressure, bully and hound your players into costly mistakes? I would have thought that 14 years down the line, you would be prepared for it and have come up with a solution, but obviously not. Here’s a tip for you. Everybody knows Fulham will try to defend for their lives, and maybe nick a goal on the break if they manage to get out of their own penalty area. Will Wenger’s side be able to break them down? There’s a fair chance they won’t, so odds of 16/1 for no goalscorer at boylesports.com, or 30/1 for Fulham to win 1-0 at bwin.com are worth a pound of anybody’s money.

2) Aston Villa v Blackburn: I’m sure you will remember the incredible evening’s entertainment that these two provided in their League Cup semi-final in January as Villa ran out 6-4 winners following Chris Samba’s early sending off. In fact, the last three renewals of this fixture have produced 19 goals, so with little to play for, let’s hope both sides can relax and add significantly to that total in what I expect to be a high scoring draw.

3) Bolton v Birmingham: The words “high scoring” shouldn’t really feature in a preview of this match, and neither will the words “entertainment” or “attractive” feature in any subsequent reports. 0-0.

4) Burnley v Tottenham: Now that Spurs have achieved their Champions League target, will Harry let up for this match and field a reserve side? I doubt there will be too many changes as there is now the added incentive for Tottenham of finishing above Arsenal, so whatever line-up is selected, I would imagine they will give it a real go against one of the poorest sides ever to feature in the Premier League. Away win.

5) Chelsea v Wigan: Chelsea have scored seven times in a home match three times this year. Get ready for a fourth.

6) Everton v Portsmouth: So it’s goodbye to Portsmouth and their murky, highly questionable methods of financing their last couple of seasons. Am I sorry to see them go? Not at all. Do I think they should be allowed into Europe having reached the FA Cup final? Not at all. The only thing I regret about their demotion is that a whole new swathe of fans around the country will now be subjected to that bell-ringing numpty soiling their home grounds and increasing the prevalence of tinnitus next season. In each of the last three meetings between these sides at Goodison, one side or the other has scored three times. I think it’s Everton’s turn again on Sunday.

7) Hull v Liverpool: Liverpool have never lost at Hull, and even without seeing the starting line-ups, which will undoubtedly feature several unfamiliar names, it’s difficult to imagine that record being broken on Sunday, and following hugely disappointing seasons for these two, I would imagine that both teams (and possibly benches) will look very different in August. Liverpool to nick this one.

8) Man.United v Stoke: Stoke haven’t even scored on their last six visits to Old Trafford, and have managed just two goals in heir last five matches, so we can guess one half of the scoreline. You might as well roll a pair of dice for the other half.


9) West Ham v Man.City: Roberto Mancini has an awful lot to answer for in my opinion. Time and again when faced with strong opposition this season, his side have shown little ambition, and have wasted their attacking talent and instincts with overly cautious performances that have resulted in costly home showings against Liverpool, Man.U. and Spurs in particular. The attitude shown in Wednesday’s defeat was a disgrace when only a win would do, and compared with the hard work and adventurous spirit displayed by Tottenham, it is no surprise that City failed in their tilt at the Champions League. As for this fixture, I am amazed that so few goals have been scored between the teams in recent years, with just five shared in the last six meetings at Upton Park in League and Cup. There is sure to be a somewhat more subdued atmosphere on Sunday than would have been the case if City hadn’t lost on Wednesday, but neutrals will hope that both sides can just relax a bit and at least produce a few more goals than we are used to from this fixture.
10) Wolves v Sunderland: If you have a ticket for this match, you also have my sympathies. Two sides simply playing out time and destined for an uncompetitive encounter that may well follow the pattern of the last three renewals of this fixture and end 1-1. 

The coupon for the final day of the season is always treacherous territory as we don’t know how seriously some teams will be taking their fixtures, but if you fancy a bet, you could try a £10 accumulator on Leeds, Norwich, Southampton and Spurs, which would return £35.64 with bet365.com if all won their matches. Chelsea and Man.U. are obviously ridiculously short odds for their matches, but if you wanted to add them into the equation with the four sides already mentioned, a successful £10 accumulator would return £43.97 with Paddy Power.

Good luck!